You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
