I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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