so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
