Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
