My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
