I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
