I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
