i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
