I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
