you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
