Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
