ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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