So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
