There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we're making bets on your personal life
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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