She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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