You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
