I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
