He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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