I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
