The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Alive.
So much puke
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
