you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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