There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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