I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
