Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize