WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
