What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just found a bag of teeth...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
