An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize