Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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