Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
