he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the liver wants what the liver wants
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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