He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
