WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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