1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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