She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
