Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
