I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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