i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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