My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
