My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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