I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
