apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize