Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize