I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
