You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
