bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
