I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
