I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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