u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
