Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
