My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i out mim tonsoeep
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize