you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
