I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize