i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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