Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
