she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and she was petting her beer can
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the liver wants what the liver wants
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
