this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
