listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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