Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
