yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
FUCK WHALES
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
