You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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