that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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