Since when is my name a synonym for head?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
