the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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