I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
