whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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