If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
