Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
