sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
