My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
