I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize