this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
